Don’t you have days that you feel completely inadequate, stupid? This is one of those days. A day that you feel that you have been making a huge thing of something and it’s only that huge to your eyes and not to the others. A day that you feel that you are really not so important and that people are avoiding you? I know it’s in my head and that those are not the feelings of the others but I really feel that way today. I feel that I have been thinking the wrong thing and that maybe I’m not that important to others as they are for me. I know that people may invite others to do things and they should be able to invite the people that they want and that they don’t have to invite everyone every time. They have the freedom to choose and that doesn’t have to bother me. I have always believe that and I practice it. The other day we were going to the park just 2 of us because we thought that the others were really tired and that they would not want to come. At the last minute we choose to mention it just in case. We wanted her to know. She was mad (not really) telling us that we were not going to invite her which we did and she went. Ok.. I believe in the right to choose. But today I feel really bad because they went and made plans to go to the beach and they didn’t mention it to me. I know because one of them told me she has been invited. I really couldn’t go and they knew it but for me it would have been good just to tell me. Just tell me that is the only thing I ask. Don’t sneak out. If it would have been the other way around I would have been in trouble. That’s what’s bothering me. When someone does something like this makes you wonder if I’m that important to them as they are for me. That makes me feel stupid. Maybe I give too much. I feel stupid for another thing. I had a very serious conversation with one of them. I was trying to give advice so they won’t get hurt because I love them. I thought it went well but right the next day I realize they are falling for the same thing again….. I didn’t asked one question, maybe that was the only question I should have asked. The answer would have explain it all. Why continue to do the same thing? The thing that can hurt both? I have thought about it a lot. I should have made the question and there is only one answer and that is why things continue to be the way they are. That’s why I feel stupid….Helloooooooo Nanette ! You have it right in front of you…Maybe I am in la la land after all. I think about the conversation and it makes me feel stupid because It had no purpose at all if the answer to that question that I didn’t ask is what I think it is. Oh well I just want what is good for them. I love them. I don’t want them hurting again that’s all. People that deserve the sun. I still think that but they are not making the right choices. But why? Do I ask the question? I don’t want to burden them more…GOD please show me how I can help without making a mistake or just sticking my nose in none of my business. It makes you want to say I don’t care do what you want but it’s difficult.
Sorry I know you don’t understand but I can’t say more….but I just had to get it off my system.
Just let me write!! 
June 15, 2009 at 6:59 pm |
Don’t you have days that you feel completely inadequate, stupid? Da, I feel like that many times. It’s called being a human being. Nanni we all feel that way many times in our lives for some reason. God didn’t make us perfect for a reason but we’re pretty good overall. Being retired I thought many of my so called friends that I had when I was teaching would call me once in awhile and even come over and have a coffee. I know they are busy but even once? After school ended I thought now they would drop over an visit with me but never. It was as if I had suddenly died to them. I had to learn the fact that when I retired teaching I was no longer in the teaching family and the hell with me. I’m happy to have met you, Bee, Charlie, Linda, Mike, Big Ed and Ivana. You are my new family even though we can’t visit, I feel very those to you people. I had to learn the reality of life I guess. ait took me a ong time to get used to the fact that these teachers weren’t my friends, they were only my colleagues and after retiring I was no longer a colleague. Friendship is a word. I soon realized that teachers were only ” friends ” while I was in the school building. I got over it and thanks to all of you I’m enjoying myself better then ever. Think about yourself for a moment and realize how great of an individual you really are. Inadequate, NEVER, stupid, maybe acting stupid like all of us do on ce in awhile but you are never stupid in the eyes of God. I hope I didn’t write to much. Once in awhile when I start writing I forget when to stop. Sorry Nanni. Ciao my friend and smile because you have a very beautiful smile. God gave you that so use it as much as you can.
Paul
June 18, 2009 at 4:16 am |
Ciao(hola)Nanni, it happens to me all the time…feeling stupid and/or inadequate. Sometimes feel like people are avoiding me? yes…I think it happens to just about everyone, but most people will not tell too many people. It is also natural to feel jealous, when people do stuff, and forget to ask you…or deliberately leave you out…but it happens…don;t let it get to you Nanni. Otherwise how are you…and how are your parents? Eugenio?